Winter Survival:
Tips from a Midwesterner to snowbirds or full time residentsof the Southwest US
Winter can be a difficult time of year, especially if you live in the Sonoran desert. First of all, there may be too much warmth and sunshine. This can lead to optimism, energy, and a tan. To prevent these problems, plan to engage in moderating activities: stay inside, close the blinds, put the thermostat at 30 degrees Fahrenheit, make a mug of cocoa, and watch only the Hallmark channel. Plan to sleep ten to twelve hours daily.
Second, by living in the Southwest United States, there is an abundance of delectably fresh, ripe, and affordable produce. Consuming these foods can certainly confuse the body and mind about the normal miserable state required to experience winter to its fullest. Therefore, it is best to avoid shopping at local fresh markets. Instead, invest your grocery dollars in the canned- and frozen foods section of a large grocery or bulk chain store. The harsh lighting, oversized displays, uncooperative SUV-sized carts, and crush of families with small, unhappy children will really keep you in the emotional state of dejectedness.
PRO TIP: Pick up miniature hot-sauce collections, chocolate variety packs, or bath and body baskets to give as Christmas gifts in the front and center sections of chain stores. Retailers have cheated the people in their supply chain to deliver a low-cost, low quality item to you, and your purchase helps perpetuate the cycle!
Finally, desert-dwellers do not face the challenge of commuting through ice, slush, or snow. This is essential to the winter experience. To compensate, it is recommended that residents contract with local ice arenas to dump byproducts of rink grooming into their neighborhood. While individuals won’t benefit from the need to defrost and scrape off their personal vehicles, they will face the irritation of how to navigate thoroughfares unaddressed by snow trucks. This leads to annoyance and a lowered propensity to be social, perfect for replicating the authentic Midwestern winter doldrums.
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